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Eve Grubin After After a loss you live with your gasp, your gaze, with your hungry mouth as you lift the fork. Something Sane. Open the door. A guest sits down at the kitchen table. Washing evening dishes: something simple, something sane. Water dreams over your wrist, your hand, a round transparent dish. Something Simple. Night, rusty fire escape. Even the rain: sane. Urgent street voices; screech of a hinge. Simple. A clanking bang, somebody is closing a gate or opening one. Jerusalem In the dream I walk with my teacher across a field. It is day, the field a dying brown. Lifted by sudden wind we stand in midair, our wool coats hanging like heavy curtains. When we drop back down, our boots in the dust, I ask, “Why did that happen?” She says, “Because we saw Christ.” I say, “I didn’t see him,” remembering the sycamores at the edges. She says, “It was because of the resurrection.” “No,” I say. “It was Jerusalem.“ Keep me close to the flaw, to the cracked soil. Don’t let me fly up again; keep me living inside the laws and the lightning, planted and learning, leaning into this difficult field. Seduction A sea change is necessary, and I’ll need seduction, a tug through language in my belly’s earth floor. * God planted a garden in Eden to the East and took and placed the person there. The questions are asked: “Where was Adam taken from? How did God bring Adam to Eden? Was Adam moved like a chess piece?” An answer: “God moved, seduced Adam with beautiful language into Eden.” * Word-shiver my shells, my salt nearer to you. * I am a salamander frail and pale red, and you place rich leaves and pebbles before me, drawing my tender same-color feet to touch each dry curve, scratch the wrinkled places, your sounds of wind and rumpled lake, scrape of dry twigs. Speak speak to me. Evoke yourself in me. Blossom my chest open with text, with words. Ruins My bike became a horse pitching me off onto the steep, unforgiving concrete, sudden and alone, small stones pressed into my cheek, the rubber wheels hot horse hooves. Earth pulse through my skin. Black descending dust. In the small space between tears I saw my sanity: blue lights among timber, broken marble, calm resting in ruins, light playing among the jagged remains. When I arrived back again, the voiceless horse became the bike’s thin singing metal and myself, resting in the wreck. Refusal There is a refusal to mourn in me, a failure to give up hope, a rotting thing, no thing. Nothing. There is a river. I’ll dip my hands in, open my fingers. I never mourned, never allowed a falling the way divine sparks slanted when the world was made dipping under rocks, resting in meadows and seas, leaning among fish, grasses, and dust. Is mourning a handing over, a letting go of the steel grip? How to ungrasp like the trapeze artist who opens her hand, letting go the bar before grasping the other—that moment between the bars. . . Let me rise like a great white bird out of the net, let me climb into the underwhisper. I have had moments that make hope superfluous. There is a river. I have never seen it. Who Releases the Bound, Who Straightens the Bent Underneath this missing another missing: familiar, unremembered. The mirror stares at my bed, the bookshelves have nothing to say to me. This longing hangs heavy, the taste of it filling the back of my mouth. Black rain suspends past shut windows and brick. A breathing in my dress when I bend to the drawer for a shirt, when air slides through the slit under the unopened window and reaches my naked elbow. Let the longing lift north attaching to the next rung and the next until I speak translucent, seeable give me quick transparent noticing, close. What is real? Thin bones glow in my ankle, my rib, a hand rests above the roof of my house, above the oak beside it. Blessed are you who releases the bound. Ache in my unwinged thighs, my belly an unblessed field. Who straightens the bent over. Your many names are stuck in my throat. ![]() | ||