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Derrick Weston Brown




Snagglepuss Spills His Guts on The E! True Hollywood Story


The Pink Panther!?
Fuck him!

Always this calm quiet
Androgynous cool on the exterior.

But if you let me tell it
He always stayed on both sides of the fence
If you catch my drift.

Kept quiet. Never said a word
Unless it was absolutely necessary.
Just strolled around and winked a lot
Ashing those long thin French cigarettes.

He's the one that got the prize I guess.
Worldwide film exposure, those Corning
Insulation commercials, the string of films.

That bubblegum colored pussy-foot
Never acknowledged what he was.
Conveniently forgot our quiet dinners
In Jellystone Park.

We stroll through the forest
Dine on delicate pheasants together
Feed giblet gravy to each other
And for dessert I'd mount him
Just like he'd ask me to.

Oh SnagglePuss you're so gentle
He'd purr in his bassline voice.
Damn that Bazooka Joe colored bastard!

How many times? How many times
Did I put my career on hold for him?
You think I liked schlepping around
With those Hanna-Barbara flunkies!?

Puh-leeze I was a Stanislavsky Method
Actor thank you very much. Yogi
And Boo-Boo were vaudeville shams.
Huckleberry Hound was a chitlin circuit regular

Some say he even wore blackface.
Did a couple of minstrel shows once.
I'm not surprised. He did roll tight
With ol' Bugs Bunny. And we all know
He had no problem rubbing on a little
Boot polish on his face. But I digress.

When the big money came calling
Ol' Pinky packed his bags and gave
Me some song and dance about how
I'd never have to work again once
He got big; No more anvils, no more
Falling boulders, no more exit stage right.

But I should have known.
After the films, the accolades,
And his Blake Edwards endorsements
My phone stopped ringing. No more
Pleasantries and pheasants no more
Grooming each others pink fur
With our tongues.

Snaggle Poo. He told me
The last time we were together
It just won't work    things are
Different now. I have different
Priorities. I run with a different crowd.
You know the business.

This isn't Jellystone. People talk.
You were great but    from this point
On I can't be seen with you. You
Know you're . . . a little more open
With your gestures, and then its your voice.

People know right away what you are, but
Me. . . well Olive Oyl thinks I'm all man.
Besides she says I'm much more
Understanding than that one-eyed
Sailor cat.

But anyway babe that's the
Way of the business
See you in the funny papers.


So now you see why I never stay
On screen too long. Heavens to
Mergatroid it still hurts even. So
Just realize that whenever I exit
Stage right it's not for laughs,
I just don't want anyone to
See me cry.